I wanted to wait until plot was over in case she went on an emotional roller coaster ANYWAYS!! Excuse the tl;dr I am just vomiting words out.
Right now she’s doing pretty okay! She has pretty much been a mess since way back towards the end of Wonderland, but she can be perfectly functional still so not a lot outwardly changes. For a long time she was really determined to offer support to everyone and do her best to help!! And then she did a really big 180 after Mira’s parasite game and just. Shut everything down so that she could function because there were still things to do and she couldn’t let it get to her. And she has been that way ever since and sometimes feelings leak through. Mostly they only show when she gets frustrated by feeling like she can’t do anything; a lot of her sense of self-worth in Aather is tied to her ability to support people and help them when they need it. She has the very strong perception that every game can be broken and if she can’t break it and people die it’s because she didn’t try hard enough, oops. There aren’t a LOT of them so it doesn’t happen that often, but they still happen once every month or two in IC time I think? So her self-esteem takes a hit like once a month. Most of her reactions are a very conscious effort to not be down on herself and accept help if it’s offered and keep herself functional; at the very least she logically knows that she can’t take everything on her own shoulders!! But there was SUCH a strong feeling of Sapphire being a group that breaks games and helps people when she first arrived that it’s just ingrained in her and she can’t fathom something outside of that.
In Aather she built herself up around the people she came to know and trust, and most of those people happened to be on Sapphire! (Dealing with her and TEAMS is a whole different mess because she dislikes teams and what the teams do to people, so she’s very aware of that notion all the time.) But Sapphire was good at being independent but still being there for each other. They would all still be friends even if they weren’t on Sapphire!! She came into Sapphire with the idea that she helps people and heals people and she doesn’t ever hurt them, and everyone on the team supported that which was really important to her and helped her connect with them.
Right now she recognizes that there are people on Sapphire that are willing to support her and she is willing to support them, and even if they don’t agree on something they can try to work their way to a consensus. But as a whole group she doesn’t feel connected to them and doesn’t feel like they are a team and avoids referring to them as such; they have moments that she gets buoyed by, but they are not necessarily strong moments to her and they’re not something she’s felt with the collective whole of the team. But part of that is because a lot of them are also new! Apple still thinks of Nil as new along with Aladdin and Candy, so that’s almost half of the team. Her perception of Sapphire as a “team” is how they interact together in games and it’s usually her and Selenia and knights in games. So she tends to identify more with knights as “teammates” than with Sapphires :|a And as a result she is awkward and fidgety and unsure, because she doesn’t know if they’ll agree with her when push comes to shove. She went through that roller coaster with Selenia for a long time where they were constantly butting heads on what to do in games and she’s hesitant to get close to anyone if there is a chance of that repeating itself. But it’s not just with Sapphires, she’s awkward with everyone because she’s in a constant state of WHAT DO I DO…WITH PEOPLE…shutting down most of your feelings makes it really hard to interact with people, who knew!!
BUT THAT WAS KIND OF A TANGENT I meant to say that because of that in general she is being flaily and awkward towards everyone but also weirdly honest in her point of view. She is a character that can very easily grab onto hope where she sees it! And although there are a lot of things that wear her down there is still enough that she can pull herself up and stay upbeat and mean it. But that is coupled with her expectation that she can beat anything bad that comes their way, so she takes a big mental blow whenever something bad happens and she literally can’t do a thing to stop it. HENCE EMOTIONAL ROLLER COASTER th-there are constant ups and downs depending on what happens and how much agency she has regarding it. Right now she is on a high because plot just ended and they got spring that no one had to be murdered for and they helped the Snow Queen and Gerda and that will last until the next trauma game.
I’m sorry that was too long, WILL YOU TELL ME IF YOU HAVE ANY PLANS FOR CANDY or any app plans or plans for your characters in general
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Date: 2013-12-23 08:19 pm (UTC)Right now she’s doing pretty okay! She has pretty much been a mess since way back towards the end of Wonderland, but she can be perfectly functional still so not a lot outwardly changes. For a long time she was really determined to offer support to everyone and do her best to help!! And then she did a really big 180 after Mira’s parasite game and just. Shut everything down so that she could function because there were still things to do and she couldn’t let it get to her. And she has been that way ever since and sometimes feelings leak through. Mostly they only show when she gets frustrated by feeling like she can’t do anything; a lot of her sense of self-worth in Aather is tied to her ability to support people and help them when they need it. She has the very strong perception that every game can be broken and if she can’t break it and people die it’s because she didn’t try hard enough, oops. There aren’t a LOT of them so it doesn’t happen that often, but they still happen once every month or two in IC time I think? So her self-esteem takes a hit like once a month. Most of her reactions are a very conscious effort to not be down on herself and accept help if it’s offered and keep herself functional; at the very least she logically knows that she can’t take everything on her own shoulders!! But there was SUCH a strong feeling of Sapphire being a group that breaks games and helps people when she first arrived that it’s just ingrained in her and she can’t fathom something outside of that.
In Aather she built herself up around the people she came to know and trust, and most of those people happened to be on Sapphire! (Dealing with her and TEAMS is a whole different mess because she dislikes teams and what the teams do to people, so she’s very aware of that notion all the time.) But Sapphire was good at being independent but still being there for each other. They would all still be friends even if they weren’t on Sapphire!! She came into Sapphire with the idea that she helps people and heals people and she doesn’t ever hurt them, and everyone on the team supported that which was really important to her and helped her connect with them.
Right now she recognizes that there are people on Sapphire that are willing to support her and she is willing to support them, and even if they don’t agree on something they can try to work their way to a consensus. But as a whole group she doesn’t feel connected to them and doesn’t feel like they are a team and avoids referring to them as such; they have moments that she gets buoyed by, but they are not necessarily strong moments to her and they’re not something she’s felt with the collective whole of the team. But part of that is because a lot of them are also new! Apple still thinks of Nil as new along with Aladdin and Candy, so that’s almost half of the team. Her perception of Sapphire as a “team” is how they interact together in games and it’s usually her and Selenia and knights in games. So she tends to identify more with knights as “teammates” than with Sapphires :|a And as a result she is awkward and fidgety and unsure, because she doesn’t know if they’ll agree with her when push comes to shove. She went through that roller coaster with Selenia for a long time where they were constantly butting heads on what to do in games and she’s hesitant to get close to anyone if there is a chance of that repeating itself. But it’s not just with Sapphires, she’s awkward with everyone because she’s in a constant state of WHAT DO I DO…WITH PEOPLE…shutting down most of your feelings makes it really hard to interact with people, who knew!!
BUT THAT WAS KIND OF A TANGENT I meant to say that because of that in general she is being flaily and awkward towards everyone but also weirdly honest in her point of view. She is a character that can very easily grab onto hope where she sees it! And although there are a lot of things that wear her down there is still enough that she can pull herself up and stay upbeat and mean it. But that is coupled with her expectation that she can beat anything bad that comes their way, so she takes a big mental blow whenever something bad happens and she literally can’t do a thing to stop it. HENCE EMOTIONAL ROLLER COASTER th-there are constant ups and downs depending on what happens and how much agency she has regarding it. Right now she is on a high because plot just ended and they got spring that no one had to be murdered for and they helped the Snow Queen and Gerda and that will last until the next trauma game.
I’m sorry that was too long, WILL YOU TELL ME IF YOU HAVE ANY PLANS FOR CANDY or any app plans or plans for your characters in general